#1 By: Bobby, August 20th, 2014 12:15
I write this post with a heavy heart. My mother passed away last week at the age of 62. Actually, it is a week ago today she left us. These last few days have been really hard on me and my family.
The wake and funeral/burial went as perfect as one can, under the circumstances. Everything was just so beautiful. Has much as I am heartbroken over losing my mother, I am a bit as ease knowing she is no longer suffering, no longer in pain, and is in a better place.
I don't write this post seeking attention. I write this post to help me with my mending. I also write this post with a question for those of you who have gone through similar unfortunate circumstances. How did you get through it? How long did it take you to move on and get yourself back into a normal routine? And if you did anything, like go out with friends, did you ever feel remorse, like you shouldn't be trying to live your life just yet?
#2 By: DDuck, August 20th, 2014 14:52
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. And as you said she is no longer in any pain. I send my love and hugs as a fellow mouse-aid .... It seems this is when the hard part begins as you are kept busy the first week and now life starts to move on around you. My husband lost his dad July 7th last year and then his mom Sept 30. He worked through it all besides the time off for the wake and funeral. We thought he was handling everything good considering the situation but by the end of January he had to take a leave from work. He needed to take time to grieve for the both of them and find a way to live life through the holidays without them, It is tough. And each milestone will bring all the emotions back, but they would not want life to stop for him. His first big step onward is our trip in 11 days to Disney and the fact he is looking forward to it is a really good sign. We will toast them one evening at diner and that is how it needs to be. Keeping memories alive! Living a good life for us and them! you can grieve and still try to live your life. All the best to you @Horned_King
#3 By: Beth, August 20th, 2014 18:13
Bobby I've never met your mom but I know she was so proud of you. I know because I've watched you grow into a man with great strength and determination. I don't think we truly really get over a great loss we only learn to cope more as time passes. Just like a scar the pain eases over time but it gets better every day. Everyone is different with different circumstances. Give yourself time to heal do what you feel like doing. A typical grief takes 6 weeks to get back to feeling like you want to work or interact with others and even then it's not always back to "normal" especially when you lose someone so close to you. If you can't get out of bed after 6 weeks that's when you need to push yourself to talk to friends or work etc.
People do handle it in different ways. My mom lost her parents 5 months apart. My son's friend lost her parents about 7 mos apart at 26. Sometimes knowing that others understand your pain can help. Others cope by keeping busy or doing for others.
We lost my dad in 2009 to parkinson's. Michelle I regret several of the things we didn't get to do for him on our last trip to WDW but when we go we make a point to do them for him when we go. We celebrate his life at WDW doing the things that he would have loved to have done with him because we know that it would have given him great joy to watch us.
So Bobby your mom would have wanted you to enjoy your life. When you are ready life for her and she will always be with you.
I think Michelle knows my favorite Proverb:
There is an old Chinese tale about the woman whose only son died. In her grief, she went to the holy man and said, “What prayers, what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life?” Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to her, “Fetch me a mustard seed from the home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life.” The woman set off at once in search of that magical mustard seed. She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door , and said, “I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important to me.” They told her, “You’ve certainly come to the wrong place,” and began to describe all the tragic things that had recently befallen them. The woman said to herself “ who is better able to help these poor unfortunate people than I, who have had misfortune of my own?” she stayed to comfort them, then went on in her search in hovels and in palaces, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune. ultimately, she became so involved in ministering to other people’s grief that she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed, never realizing that it had in fact driven the sorrow out of her life.
#4 By: Michelle Youngerman, August 20th, 2014 19:33
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mom..........
#5 By: Ginger Ohlenforst, August 20th, 2014 22:22
Bobby, so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and pixie dust. This year was 5 years since our father passed away. He was the start of our love for Disney. Every trip there now I think of him and all the attractions and restaurants that were his favorites. He loved the Polynesian Village Resort. I was young but remember spending time in the lounge with my parents while he would enjoy a Mai Tai. Now I like to go have a Mai Tai there and remember his love for Disney. It makes me sad but I know he would be happy to see me there with my family. Disney feels like home more than anywhere else, I've moved many times, but I can return there where I've built memories with my children, and now beginning to do the same with my grandchildren. Continuing the tradition, life goes on.
Grieve, heal, cherish and celebrate the memories of your mom.
#6 By: Rhonda Thomas, August 21st, 2014 22:58
Bobby, I'm sincerely sorry for the loss of your mom. I have lost both of my parents and my husband has also lost both of his, and it isn't an easy thing to deal with. I think it helped me to really think about them no longer being in pain, and to really focus on the happy times we had together. I also found that going back to work helped me as it got my mind off things for awhile. I was still sad and sometimes had to take a break from my work to allow myself a few minutes to gather my thoughts, but work in general was sort of a temporary escape.
I don't remember thinking that I shouldn't be enjoying life or feeling guilty for having a laugh, but I know I had trouble finding joy in some things for awhile.
Hugs going out your way! We're hear if you need to talk about it.
#7 By: Tom Henry, August 22nd, 2014 07:32
My condolences to you and your family.
There is absolutely nothing that anyone says that will ease the pain you are feeling. Actually, the pain will help you as you navigate the rest of your life.
Cherish every memory you have of your Mom. Cherish everything she taught you. Try to use these memories to make your life, and the lives of people close to you better.
Celebrate life every day so when it's your turn to answer God's calling, you can without regrets.
God bless, Tom
#8 By: Bobby, August 22nd, 2014 18:37
Thank you all for your kind words. We are moving forward, as best we can. We aren't sitting around feeling bad for ourselves. We are doing things, keeping busy. I'm going to be taking appointments for my real estate job again starting Saturday. And will be back in my office on my scheduled day, which is Tuesday. Also, we are going to my cousin's for her daughter's 1 year birthday party. Will be the first time we are really out of the house to go to a function since my mother's passing.
#9 By: Bobby, August 26th, 2014 22:27
I went back to my office today do do my floor time. The agents in the office have to cover office hours, at least once a week (usually 3 hours) in case a possible client comes in looking for a house, apartment, or to list their house for sale or apartment for rent. Mostly, no one walks in. But we still have to be there just in case. My office hours for August are on Tuesdays, 12:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon.
So, after taking last week off, I decided to go back today. Boring day. No calls. No walk ins. No new developments. Two of the agents who I haven't seen in two weeks offered their condolences today. Another agent who came to my mother's wake came into the office and asked how I was. Said she was going to text me yesterday to see how I was doing, but she suffers from migraines, and she wasn't feeling well. Despite no action, it felt good getting back to the office. The rest of this week will be slow with Labor Day on Monday.
I also asked my father if he would be up to going to Florida next year. He said he would consider going. He suggested maybe beginning of December, 2015. I have never been to Orlando for Christmas. The only time I was there around the holiday season was in, I think, 2000? Maybe 2001? January. I got to see the Christmas decorations before they were removed. If we go the beginning of December next year, then I'll be there for the Christmas festivities.
I'm just afraid I won't be too much into the holiday seasons anymore. I already know this year, the holidays will be tough, sad, depressing, and not joyous at all.
#10 By: Beth, August 27th, 2014 00:50
Bobby I'm glad you are getting your routines back. Remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time.
The first Christmas is always the hardest. I do believe that changing your typical holiday routine could help and Disney does make it festive; but it's the type that you can observe passively or get more involved. It would be great to get your dad out of the house and a change of scenery. This year at Christmas try to go easy on the stressful things and try to keep it simple. Sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected at this point.
#11 By: Bobby, August 28th, 2014 19:25
Trying Beth. Sitting around won't help. This week hasn't been easy. I admit. But I needed to get back into my real estate routine at least. And still trying to get used to the "new" normal.
#12 By: Stephanie, August 14th, 2015 01:52
I'm sorry for your loss and sorry this is so late.
#13 By: Bobby, August 25th, 2015 20:12
Thank you. Been a rough year.